Bloom

So before I get started everyone needs to go check out this link -

http://www.kellehampton.com/2012/02/bloom.html

I think all to often I have felt disappointed that the daughter I dreamed about while pregnant turned out to be one of three biggest blessings in my life...

I dreamed when I was pregnant with Taylor that she would grow up to be a doctor or a lawyer or heck why not both? I dreamed that she would play with other kids from the time she could walk and talk... little did I know that with Taylor that wasnt going to happen till she was almost two... To be told your daughter needs to stay in the NICU and you need to go home and rest was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do... I felt like I wasnt a mother to her and that she would be scared while I was gone... I think that this woman sums it up perfect and I can not wait to read her book and cry tears of understanding!

The point is when you have a child you want what is best for them and that doesnt change with a diagnosis... I still want the best for Taylor even when people tell me not to dream so big.

Trying day - very trying day...

As I type taylor is still awake - she is screaming that she wants her daddy to come... All day today she has thrown herself into the floor tantrums and hitting and just being Taylor - I just wish she would fall asleep soon so mommy can sleep. :(

Oh the life of an autistic kid... never a dull moment!

Diving into therapies - Ready? Set? GO!

For some reason in the back of my head I thought that Taylor would just never make it back into therapies - I thought that it would never fall into place. But now as I sit here after an afternoon of phone calls, I am stressed, scared and anxious.

I do not know how to prepare Taylor for what is to come, I dont even know how to prepare my husband for it - who has yet to experience it...

For now we have PT twice a week, OT twice a week, Speech twice a week and then somewhere in that mix a developemental pediatrician, neurologist, and eye specialist...

When I talked to the speech therapist on the phone this afternoon, she simply asked the question tell me about Taylor - I asked her where do I start - she said from the moment of her birth - tears, laughter and frustration were all feelings and emotions that came out in this conversation... as I explained the Autism diagnosis - the sensory disorder - the endless attempts at behavior control... she simply told me one thing, " you are a strong mother - some mothers do not even tell me the whole story and I haev to read it in their childs chart, be proud that you can speak about it and are not ashamed..."
The fact is I am ashamed - my body failed the pregnancy and there is nothing I can do to go back in time to change it... I can only look forward - Fix it and keep going... So here is to endless therapies and lots of Coffee!!

I can say this - I am thankful for my daughters.. both of them Taylor is a miracle - I know that my father and God had a hand and pulling her through a scary birth and scary hospital stay. <3

accepting the things we can not change, but changing the things that we have control over...

This evening was brought with an evaluation of Taylor... I hate these - I hate them more than cooked spinach, I hate them more than death, and I certainly hate them more than thunderstorms...

Here is the results ( drum roll please...)

Speech - 18 months - I do not agree with this, but again change the things we have control over and that is speech therapy!

OT - 20 months, okay I get it my kid hates using utensils and she wont potty train... but really?!

PT - 19 months... She doesnt Jump with her feet off of the ground - she doesnt run and ya lets face it she can climb but can she always get down??

So that is an overall of 20ish months and she is 34 months old... Some days are hard, this was def a night I had tissues and hugged my baby girl tight - Which reminds me, Have you hugged your children today?!

A new Taylor - Are you Ready?!

So lately Taylor has taken to answering questions with a very firm NO or YES... This morning I asked her if she had toes and I was told YES... It is cute to me that she can now tell the difference between the two... We are also working on jumping... This is huge and to a normal ( whatever that is) mother of a normal kid - you are probably thinking why focus so much time and energy on one thing such as jumping... well, this is huge physical developement wise and if we can get her to jump we can jump over obstacles together.... Ha no pun intended. For now we have a happy almost 3 year old and she loves music, books, and dora... here's to hoping the park today is met with excitement and adventure!!! Have a great weekend and more importantly take time to cuddle with your babies today - one day we will all realize that they are grown and we missed out on every opportunity to hug them. <3

Seizures, Autism, and Sensory disorders.

As some of you know, Taylor's seizures have returned... It seems like we cross one hurdle and have to jump over another. I simply put on The Climb and blare it until I calm down. She is doing amazing with her speech, well imitating what we say, which is getting tricky. She uses sentences when she wants to - but sadly we will be starting speech therapy again soon as well as PT, OT and Early intervention ( until April)

We are getting a second opinion on her Autism ... I am not convinced and either is Nick... Yes she has sensory issues but to go as far as autism, um not yet. I will continue to always fight for my baby.

well that is all for now with Tay.

Leaving Daddy.

This evening I was greeting with the following sentence, " mommy, I no leave daddy." She noticed I was packing and organizing ( again.) and is obviously catching on that we are leaving daddy soon. Here I have been sooo excited about getting home to get ready to move to Florida that I missed the fact my daughter could careless about moving to Florida and she could care even less about going home.

I asked her if she wanted to see her "ma-ma" and Aunt Becca and was greeted with a very firm NO ( now I know this will change when we get to them, however she is mad right now.) I am now going to be up most of the night researching and figuring out how to say goodbye to daddy and not have a complete melt down at the airport.

Any suggestions???